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Dave and Chuck the Freak

Idiot Criminal Of The Day: Florida Man Tells Police He Can’t Go To Jail Because He Has A Curfew

Author Cort Freeman and Dave & Chuck the Freak
Sabastian Suarez mugshot (via Polk County Sheriff's Office)

The Florida man who told police he couldn’t go to jail because he has a curfew is our Idiot Criminal Of The Day. That excuse won’t fly so don’t try.

The Idiot Criminal Of The Day is one of my favorite segments featured on Dave & Chuck The Freak. Lots of people commit dumb crimes every day and we love talking about it on the show. But when there’s an Idiot Criminal Of The Day, you know they did something really dumb to stand out. This Florida man is certainly no exception to that and seems to fit the bill. The man, from Winter Haven, Florida, was already on probation and now he’s back behind bars after it was alleged that he interfered with a first responder at the scene of a car crash. That’s not something you want to do.

Did A Florida Man Tell Police He Can’t Go To Jail Because He Has A Curfew?

According to FOX 13 News, deputies with the Polk County Sheriff’s Office were investigating a crash when they say 23-year-old Sabastian Angel Suarez approached the scene asking, “Yo, what the **** happened?” A deputy then explained that there was a car crash and that every seemed to be doing alright. The 23-year-old then reportedly got angry and got in the officers face asking more questions about the crash. When the officer asked him to back away so everyone can do their job he responded by telling the officer that he can’t tell him what to do, per FOX 13 News. The deputy then explained that he was impeding his work and that he needed to move or be arrested. Suarez then responded, “I’m on an ankle monitor with a curfew…you can’t do ****, you can’t take me anywhere,” via FOX 13 News. Well, turns out that is not true.

Sounds like he kept acting up and being uncooperative so he was eventually arrested and charged with violation of probation (willful child abuse), interfering with a first responder, and 2 counts of resisting arrest. Later, at the police station, he finally calmed down and explained that a relative was involved in the crash that was being investigated. Probably something he should have brought up earlier! It sounds like this went against Florida’s Halo Law which is aimed at protecting first responders by keeping crowds at a distance during investigations and that took place at the beginning of 2025, per FOX 13 News.

You can see Suarez’s mugshot provided by the Polk County Sheriff’s Office below.

Sabastian Suarez mugshot
Polk County Sheriff's Office
Sabastian Suarez mugshot (via Polk County Sheriff’s Office)

Cort Freeman was born and raised in Metro Detroit. He was named Clarkston High School 2009 Class Clown 13 years after graduating. Totally normal thing to happen. That’s thanks to his time spent as an Intern at Comedy Central and Social Media Correspondent for The Colbert Report. Cort has done comedy across the country, both standing up and sitting down. When he’s not trying to make you laugh on-air and online, he’s probably at home enjoying his favorite shows like Seinfeld, South Park, and The Office. He’s also totally uncomfortable writing about himself in the third person. Cort enjoys writing about comedy, food, sports, and entertainment. So, basically anything and everything.

5 Hilarious Florida Man Stories Heard On Dave & Chuck The Freak

Honestly, there’s nothing like a good Florida Man story. They’re exciting, they’re wild, they’re far from ordinary. You never know what to expect when you hear a story about a Florida Man. These types of stories have taken over the internet, and rightfully so. Here are 5 hilarious Florida Man stories you’ve heard on Dave & Chuck The Freak!

Some of these individuals committed crazy crimes, while others just accomplished something impressive! They’re not all criminals. However, the best stories typically are.

5 Hilarious Florida Man Stories Heard On Dave & Chuck The Freak

Dave & Chuck The Freak love talking about all sorts of crazy individuals who have done equally crazy things. That’s why you’ll hear segments like “The Times Of India,” “What’s With The Asians?,” and stories about “Those Crazy Canadians.” Truly, you never know what you might hear. People are strange, man.

When it comes to strange people, there seems to be no place like Florida. Maybe it’s the warm weather? Perhaps there’s something in the water. Whatever it is, Florida seems to get a lot of attention for some of its citizens behavior. You just don’t get these kind of stories out of Vermont or Minnesota.

On the show, Dave & Chuck The Freak have shared some absolutely wild stories and crimes that have been committed by a Florida Man. Whenever you hear  a story start with “a Florida man…” you know you’re in for a good story. Now, we’re celebrating the Florida Man with a collection of the best stories that you’ve heard on Dave & Chuck The Freak.

Of course, on the show we’ve talked about many more than just five Florida Men. So, narrowing it down was difficult. It wasn’t an easy feat. However, it’s been done. We did it! Here are 5 of the craziest most hilarious Florida Man stories you’ve heard on Dave & Chuck The Freak!

  • Florida Man Plays Guitar While Having Brain Surgery

    Hey, not every Florida Man story is about a criminal! This is actually a touching story. It also features some rocking metal, so double the points. Watch as this guy plays his guitar during brain surgery! I didn’t know that was possible.

    Read more about this story here!

  • Florida Man Throws Beer Can And Fires Gun After Being Upset By Speeding Drivers

    Ah, here we go. This is the content you came for. When things don’t go your way, this is not how you should act. When things didn’t go his way, this Florida Man chose violence. He threw beer cans at speeding cars and even brought out a gun?

    Read more about this story here!

  • Florida Man Robs House After Homeowner Invites Him In For A Beer

    If someone invites you inside for a beer, you should probably be nice to them! Well, that’s not what happened this time. I’m sure this homeowner has learned his lesson and won’t be inviting any strangers inside for any beverages any time soon. Seriously, why would you do this? It makes no sense to me.

    Read more about this story here!

    Guy Let In For A Beer

  • Florida Man Arrested For 'Molesting' Manatee Mannequin

    Alliteration aside, that’s an awful headline. Yikes. How does…why would…so many questions on this story. But, do I want the answers? Yes. Yes, I do.

    Read more about this story here!

  • Florida Man Tries To Steal Waffle House Tattoo

    Waffle Houses are famous for their delicious food at any hour of the day. However, they’re actually probably more famous for all the fights and drama that seem to happen at a Waffle House location every day. Seriously, it seems like every day there’s a new viral video of a wild fight at a Waffle House. Well, that’s actually not how this story goes. This Florida Man just loves him some Waffle House.

    Read more about the story here!

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Author Cort Freeman and Dave & Chuck the Freak
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